When Will My Hand Stop Shaking?

Coffee, coffee and more coffee. Loads and loads of coffee. So much coffee I was beginning to shake. This kind of intake leads to serious addiction. After enduring a 'difficult' night with the wee man The Chancellor and I must have looked interesting this morning. Sleep deprivation is so painfully awful and we have been lucky enough that we have endured only one night of it after a few weeks of him sleeping through the night. But there is always tonight.

During our regular Wednesday sensory class, I was struggling to stay awake, yawning and wishing I could go and fall asleep in the inviting looking ball pool across the room. Could I? Would anyone notice? I could pretend that if I don't see them they can't see me. I would probably have been banished, never to be seen at any baby groups again. On the opposite end of the spectrum the wee man charged around like he had had twelve hours sleep plus all my coffee. 'How are doing this?' I ask him as I have to stop him from eating Lisa's iPod docking station. 'You had the same amount of sleep as I did and it doesn't even bother you.' Flagging doesn't even begin to sum it up for me by the end of the session. I will be ready and waiting at the door for The Chancellor tonight that's for sure.

Speaking to a mum of three during the session I asked her 'What age was worst for you?' 'Definitely when they're two.' 'Oh dear, really?' I asked my heart sinking. And then she reeled off a whole list of reasons why I have bad times to come and that I should enjoy it now for the future looks bleak. She told me that her daughters have decided to just not sleep now and because they can get themselves out of bed and walk it all just falls apart. I tell her that she is not selling it for me to have more children, in fact I think I might just start investigating boarding schools now and seeing what the minimum age for enrollment is. Next time I'm not talking to her, I flat refuse, from now on I only want to talk to people who don't know the stages to come. We can be friends in a vale of naivety and denial, lots and lots of denial.


jpr